No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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