I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont even know how to be here
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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