so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
