Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
