is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm both gender and math confused
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
