Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
