Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
