Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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