i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
