i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
