I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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