I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
