roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
