so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
