Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
