This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
