I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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