Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
