it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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