You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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