If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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