Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
