The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
