The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
