Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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