When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will be naked everywhere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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