Will you blow on my dice?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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