i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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