I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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