They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
