you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
