Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
40s are totally the cure
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
