every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
