I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
