walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
