OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
