My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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