i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
