I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
