3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
