her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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