the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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