1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
