I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
