woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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