1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize