Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
