Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
