I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
