Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
