So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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