Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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