Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
