You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
