i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
