break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
