He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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