i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
