her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
