Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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