whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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