You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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