I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
