I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
