pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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