I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
