I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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