I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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