Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
