I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
