I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize