dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
