I'm gonna have a badass scar
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
