The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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