chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
