dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Terrible idea I love it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
