i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
