I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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