I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
