Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
