So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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