mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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