I met the friendliest cop last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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