Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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