oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize