I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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