is wine microwaveable?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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