she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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