so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
