did you get engaged???
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
