I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
