cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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