It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
