im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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