I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize