I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
