I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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